Long time, no see

I guess it's been a long time since I wrote. I've sort of lost interest in this blog, I think because of its' drab colours and such. But I don't actually care enough to change it. I also forgot my password for a while, and cared so little that I didn't try to remember or get it changed. But I care now... sort of.

We has been busy. We went home to Canada for a visit this asummer and it was great. It was nice for my parents to finally meet their grandchild. They were so happy to see her, and she liked having so many people fuss over her.
I also turned 30 which was a big let down. I thought that the sky would turn black, or at least gray and all of life as we know it would come to a standstill. None of that happened, and I had 2 uneventful birthday get togethers. Sign I am getting older - some of my friends brought their children and couldn't drink. Oh yeah, I have a child too. I guess that's another big sign.
The airline lost one of our suitcases which I can't even think about.
But not the one with all this great make-up I got for birthday gifts. That's a blessing.

Time is going so fast with the baby. She is already and 7-1/2 months old. She can crawl, she laugh a lot, has a tooth, and obviously can sit up. She is so beautiful and fun to be around. I am still tired because there's a ton of work that goes into caring for her, but I guess I'll get used to it at some point.
I am working again, which I hadn't done since I came to Norway. It's nice to work. I do copywriting for companies who would like to have better English. I can do it from home, and I am freelance, so that's a good deal.
We still go to babyswimming and she loves it. She especially loves to try and grab the other babies, who I think are a little wary of her. They all seem very blah. No personality. I guess she's hoping to meet up with another baby with as much personality as she has...
I did a little travelling in Norway this summer. I went to visit a friend in Holmestrand. Strand means beach, and holme is an islet. It's a nice coastal town, although small. Easy to get around, very little shopping possibilities. Next summer we are planning to travel around Europe which will be unbelievable I'm sure. Can't live in Norway without seeing Europe. That would be a mistake.
It's fall and I am feeling very un-tormented. Nice.

Look at the Baby!

I'm beginning to see a lot of my personality in the baby. She tends to be dramatic, which I won't solely take the credit for, but when we say she's dramatic everyone looks at me. It's beginning to be a bit of an annoyance really, but anyway. She is very skeptical of anyone who is overly goo goo-ing, or ga ga-ing at her. She looks at them in a way that says (at least to me) 'what is YOUR problem?'
And yesterday we were at babyswimming. The instructor, Steve, asked us to bring all the babies together facing each other in a close circle, so they can get to know one another (sure). The baby next to ours was splashing and grinning and basically going crazy over the water (this is our 5th time swimming) and our baby looked over at him with a look on her face of disdain, mixed with pity and a touch of superiority.
I was so proud.
She really looked as if she thought that baby was making too big a deal of something they had all done before. If she could talk, I could see her saying, 'get a hold of yourself man'. I understand that because their lives consist mainly of repetition right now, so nothing should really come as a surprise. Which seems boring to me. So, I do give her a routine, but it's a varied and flexible routine. Sometimes because I am too tired to keep up the routine, and the rest of the time because I think it's good for her.
I think she might be a bit sarcastic too. We have this video of her in the bathtub and we're saying, 'kick your legs!' She looks at us, puts her legs in the air, and ... holds them there. Completely still.

So, I think by the time swimming is over we're supposed to be comfortable and good at dunking her head under the water. I am not a fan of this, because I worry a lot. We did dunk her a few times, but the last time I tried it, I did it wrong and she inhaled a ton of water and was chokinjg on it. I freaked out and now am unwilling to try it again. She's fine with it, I'm the one who is no good. I can't get the timing right. You're supposed to blow in her eyes just before you dunk her quickly. I always pause after I blow in her eyes and then she inhales water.
Is this really a skill she needs at 4 months?
Am I going to be one of those mothers who won't let their kids do anything because I'm a chicken? I hope not. I'm really trying to fight that urge. Next week, I will try to dunk her at swimming. Maybe.

Speaking of me

I was reading over my old posts, and it was a little disturbing. At the time I write these things, I feel like I am truthfully representing myself. However, when I read them over after a lot of time has past, I feel like they don't really speak for me. In person it would be a whole other story. If these posts were being presented in the person I think it would be easier to get it/understand me (why would I want that). But that would be weird because I'd be standing around verbally posting and people would wonder what was wrong with me. Posting is totally not what a real conversation is like. It would be pretty funny though to have the posts written on thought bubbles and every once in a while I could just hold one up over my head.
Anyway, my point is that I come off better in person I think. At least it's easier to get the jokes... I think. Maybe I'm wrong.
Do I really talk like this? I don't know. I've only starting wondering about that now. I'll have to think about it. So much of what I say just goes out of mouth and then I am done with it. Like when people say, 'hey remember when you said this?' And I really don't. I just say, 'nope, I don't remember that. Are you sure I said it?' Usually they are pretty sure, so I have to believe them. A lot of the time the things I say are a total surprise to me. Like I really don't remember having that thinking process. I have boxes of old journals and sometimes when I read them I can't remember thinking about the stuff I wrote about. It's in my writing, but has completely left my mind. I guess it's either self-preservation or I just have a really shitty memory.
That's why I'm writing down everything about my pregnancy and birth, so that when she asks me about it I can just say, here read this!
Maybe I'll write in in thought bubbles and hold them up over my head for her so she can feel like she is part of the process... which she was, duh!

No title

I couldn't think of a better title than that. And why should I? I'm busy taking care of a baby.

I've been feeling really good these days. In Montreal, as much as I enjoyed living there, I seemed to always be suffering some type of malais. I'll blame it on the pollution because it's always a good thing to blame stuff on. That or the endless drinking and smoking that we did.
In Norway, we've changed our ways a bit. It's not so much an all or nothing attitude anymore, and to tell the truth, I feel much better now. I still have my days of self-doubt/loathing, but now it is not topped off with the paranoia of weed. Which is a good thing, although I would have never believed that.
I'm not saying weed is bad, or that I am against any style of living. Just noticing that I feel better these days. A lot of it it probably has to do with the new baby and such. She is fun and funny, and I feel high around her anyway, so I don't really need to partake (sp?).
I do miss a lot of things about our old life, but in a way that you miss it, but don't want to go back to it. Like, I miss being in grade school, when life was (supposedly) so much easier, but I could never go back. I'd be the oldest person there.
Wow, I sound so responsible. Which I totally am not.
I am turning 30 though, and I was reading something that said lots of people look forward to turning 30 because it means they are really an adult, and it's time to behave like an adult. Whatever...
To me, turning 30 is a time to be grateful that I don't look older than 25. That I haven't gotten stuck in the past like so many others (I actually enjoy the now and all of its contemporary trappings). That I completely dislike people who behave like 'adults'. And turning 30 is a time to be happy that I am still learning.
Some people are meant to get older, and others just don't.

The New World

Babies are a lot of work. Everytime I go out somewhere with her, I have to bring half of our house along with me. Yet, I go out more often now than I did before. Why? Well, when you are a new mom it is very easy to suffer from cabin fever. Plus, there are mommy groups to belong to, and we have started baby swimming. She looks incredibly cute in her swimsuit, even though she doesn't wear it. Instead she just wears a swimming diaper. I would never have known they make such a thing.
OKay, so in Norway they are really big on mommy groups. They arrange get togethers for all new moms in the area you live in. It's not the most exciting happening around town, but it's nice to go out and not have to worry about keeping your baby quiet. They also have baby cinema days here, where moms and babies can go. They have changing tables set up, and noone cares if your baby cries. I haven't gone yet. I can manage my baby crying, but I don't know about a whole room full of babies.
She is almost 3 months old. The time is going by so fast. In July I will be 30 years old. I am having trouble with that. Having a baby is fine. Turning 30 is not.
We are trying to plan a trip home to Regina in the summer. My parents can't wait to see their first grandchild, and I can't wait for the restaurant prices. And the chinese food. You would never think that Regina is the place for chinese food, that is until you've been to Norway.
So, even though our little sweetheart is so much work, I never get tired of her. Or of taking care of her. Sometimes I feel like I am living in a hallmark card.
'Cherishing the moments that make you heart smile' or something like that...
I've become so gushy.
Don't get me wrong though. I still have my moments. Like when I go outside and the neighbours are sitting outside in the sun frowning at me and I think to myself, 'who are you frowning at? You're 100 years old sitting outside in your bra and panties. I'm fully clothed.'
Or when I'm putting the stroller on the bus, and the bus driver closes the doors on my arms and I give him dirty looks for the whole ride home, hoping he'll close the door on his face.
And when I get together with my american friend (sounds like my american cousin), and we make fun of every norwegian thing we can. Like hearing norwegians swear in english. The meaning of norwegian swear words. Their interpretation of north american culture. All funny things.
So I have become lovey dovey, but I am still trying to nurture my sense of sarcasm and irony. After all, I have to have something to teach my daughter.

Stupid World

I miss 'Arrested Development' (the show). Cancelling it proves that the world sucks. People prefer to watch weirdos marrying each other for money or eating crap for money, instead of an actual good show.

New

I finally had the baby on February 15th. It was one hell of an experience. I'll leave it that.
She is so beautiful and it is actually fun taking care of her. One thing that I am mystified by is how easy it is for me to now refer to myself as mommy... I never thought I would be a mom or be known as that, yet my inner self has come to terms with it rather quickly.
It's also weird when other people, who have had several kids themselves, are holding her but give her right back to me as soon as she fusses. They say, 'oh back to mommy'. I always expect them to know more than me, but when it comes to my daughter they know that I am who she wants. I feel like an intern who is finally given a real job...
She is 4 weeks old now and growing so fast. I really can't believe how fast time is going by. Probably has something to do with the fact that it takes so long to feed, change and put her to sleep, that by the time I am done everything she is awake again and we start the whole process all over. She has always been good at sleeping at night though. So I am grateful for that. Still exhausted, but grateful.
She is such a pretty baby, of course I am biased, but I haven't noticed anyone cringing when they see her.
So that's it for my short break. Back to being a mommy.
Still the same old me, but now with added parental responsibility.