Awww, it's a new post... isn't it cute.

Now that I am 28, the days just fly by. It's been a solid month of parties and guests and summer love!
My mom visited after we had a friend come to visit. (hey M. how's it going? You deserve an award for best guest ever... we miss you!)
The mother visiting is a big deal for me. She had never been to Montreal before and it was strange to see her in my surroundings. Even weirder to have her in our home. I can't explain why, it's just weird for me. I guess part of it could be the changes that she has gone through. She looks so different, younger and more in style. Her current 'boyfriend' is only a year older than me (aaaaagggghhhhhh, she has sex?!).
She is so different. It almost feels like she's not my mom.
Or it did feel like that until she came here. Then I saw she was still the same, old mom.
She expected me to wait on her hand and foot as usual. She never paid for anything, she left towels on the floor and dishes in the sink. Just like she used to do, at our old home.
I was so annoyed by that. Maybe it's petty of me, but I never said I was above petty. In fact, I'm below it. Waaaayyy below it.
And instead of listening to me or having an interest in our life, she only talked about herself. This is a new development for her. She used to listen to me. That's what made our relationship possible. But, I guess she has to be self-centered. She is sort of on her own.
Yet, she is still our Mom and I know my brother is having a problem living with her. She expects him to call when he is out and be home at a certain hour (he's 18), but she doesn't follow those rules. He's always worried when she doesn't come home until 4am. I'd worry too, except I moved far away.
At one point during her visit, I actually felt disgusted with myself for having come out of this woman. How could I have stood being inside her for nine months? Surely I must have been premature?!
No, not me. I stuck it out, getting as much nutrients as I could. In a way, that's how our relationship has always been. Me forcing her to perform her motherly duties and her not noticing a thing.

When me and my mom were friends (hey that'd be a good song title) I was in a different place. I was still in the 'child' world. Things are murkier there. It's harder to make out all of the things that are presented to you; all you can do is believe what you are told. It was like never being tall enough, mentally. I couldn't see above the clouds of lies/hypocrisy. Now that I am a part of the ickiness that is the 'adult' world, I can see all of the excuses.
All of her excuses.
I have finally realized that I am angry at my mom.
Maybe that isn't the happiest news, but it's a beginning.
I can move forward with this.
I can admit a few things.
I can let go... which I think is what my dreams have been telling me to do all along.