Freaky

We've been going through some pretty stressful things lately, and so when I went to the doctor to get my ventolin (asthma) prescription refilled I asked the doctor about options for anxiety and panic attacks.
He wrote something more on my precription pad, told me it was for Xanax and that I should take as needed.

I was in and out of his office in 5 minutes with a prescription for some drug that I had heard bad things about.
Mostly I was interested in valium because I've tried it before.
But here I was with Xanax.
I asked the pharmacist for more information about it because I was scared of the things I'd heard about it (addiction, psychotic episodes). Basically she said it was good for my 'symptoms' but that I should be careful about getting addicted to it.
(I love having to be conscious of becoming addicted to something)

So, I filled the prescription for a measly $9.00 and then I went home to do my own research on this drug.
Everything I ended up reading about this drug had to do with how incredibly addictive it is, and also how dangerous it can be if taken over an extended period of time (but if you get addicted how can you stop taking it?)

The doctor and pharmacist told me to take as needed, but because I've been depressed and anxious I feel like I would need it all the time. How can they leave these decisions with me when I am in this strange state of mind?

The big question on my mind after all of this was how can it be so easy and cheap to get a strong, addictive drug like this, but I can't buy a dime bag?
Pot has never had the reputation that Xanax has, yet it so much harder to get (if you don't live in Montreal or Vancouver).

So after all my research I decided to let the Xanax be and I rolled myself a joint.

But I still can't believe how easy it was to get a prescription and how cheap the pills were. No wonder why people are going crazy for the drug. It's a business just like any other and when they want to move a product they make it as cheap as can be.
But at least the kids can't smoke pot. That would be too dangerous. They might relax without having to pay the drug companies.

$9.00 for two weeks worth of pills.
Now that's a war on drugs.

let's complain

It is so annoying when you run into those people who are the "good behavior" police. You know who I am talking about.
Those folks who seem to exist only to remind what you should be doing, instead of doing what you are doing. These are the same people who make big things out of stupid things. Like if they know you smoke pot, that's all they ask you about when they see you... are you high now, did you get high today, will you get high later?
Why do they want to know so bad? I don't ask people if they've taken their meds, or had a morning drink. I don't care. If you drink, or smoke, I will not contemplate how far along into your habit you are. That's your business.

Whenever I talk to these people, I end up feeling like I've had an encounter with a friend's strict parents. Suddenly I am reduced to being 13 years old and wondering if I am going to get in trouble.
I've had a few friends like this, and in some cases they are trying to help. Like the friend I had who thought it would help me quit smoking if she groaned in disgust everytime I lit up. Instead I got great satisfaction out of blowing the smoke in her face because I knew how much it would sicken her.
I did quit smoking years later, but only because I wanted to. Not because anyone voiced their disgust to me. That's the worst way to try to get me to quit anything.
If I know I've annoyed you, I'm gonna love doing it again.

This weekend I realized that I have a strange fixation with coffee cups. My husband gave me a cup in the morning for coffee. It was one of the cups I don't use for coffee for some reason. I'll give it to other people for coffee, but I won't use it myself. I don't really know why. All I know for sure is that I have a roster of coffee cups. There are five cups I will use for coffee, based on the different ways I feel each day. In my head I have them labelled 1-5 and I'll go down the line as they get dirty (if I don't feel like like washing dishes that day or week).
It's weird to have to explain that to someone - out loud. Even if they are your husband. He asked me why, and I didn't really know. Some of the cups I like for coffee and others are just not right. Same thing for tea and for when people come over. There are certain cups for guests, and I don't know why.

I also hang the cups on their little cup hooks in a certain order, only known to me. It was disconcerting when my husband's brother came to visit and he did the dishes every morning. I always had to go and put the cups in the right order, although I couldn't really explain why there is a order or what it's based on. Or how he could learn it.

I am still hungover I think from this weekend of drinking. Of course on Thursday we went to the bar to watch the hockey game. My friend came along and we had a good night of drinking. And then on Friday we drank, rode the bike and sat in the park. Oh yeah, and we went to Copacabana. It was so nice all night.
On Saturday we stayed home and drank I think. Things are a bit fuzzy, because then on Sunday I barely ate and drank a few beers in the afternoon, which completely knocked me out for the rest of the day.

Needless to say, I need a break. My body is telling me to stop for a while. So, I guess I'll settle down a bit and wait for a really big party or something. Put some vitamins into me and get stronger before I go crazy again.