Mucking things up Grand Royale style

I always speak my mind
however
I am sometimes wrong in what I think
So I guess theoretically I could say the WRONG thing

Or maybe it's all about timing and it's more that it's the wrong time to say things.
I am going to try harder to say what I mean, and maybe even sometimes I'll mean what I say.

Now if I could only get everyone else to do the same thing, it would be a beautiful world. A damn beautiful world.

People.
Hmmmmmmm...
They are annoying sometimes. Especially when they are alcoholics and they remember things one way (the whole world is against me - boohoo- hand me that beer), and never seem to realize that they aren't a day at the park.

If you have an alcoholic for a parent, it isn't a good idea to have one for a friend. It's too confusing for the brain. It's hard to keep all the alcoholics straight in the mind.

One person's drinking binge is another person's living nightmare.

Musicals for us (the people)

When me and my friends would take magical trips (the mushroom and LSD variety) we would often return with the most fabulous ideas for musicals.
I am still trying to figure out a way to finance our stage productions. We even had a plan for what order we would release these musicals.
The first one we would do would be called "Pants, Pants, Pants." This musical is about pants and the glorious part they play in our lives. There'd be snazzy dance numbers and slow heart-breaking musical interludes.
This would be our opening number, so to speak.
Our money maker would be a more cabaret-like show called "Bending Our Lives Away." This show would feature a chorus line of girls in tiny dance costumes, bending and twisting to fun music!!! A sure way to finance our next musical.
This next musical is where we became more introspective and intellectual. It's called "Look at Us, Look at Them." It is the story of the four writers and producers of the musicals (A,J,J,S) after we have found fame. We are on top of the world and believe that there are no better musical writers thanus. We have become the snobbiest and most smug musical producers around. Then, all of a sudden, another four come along who are exactly like us in every way (looks, voices, thoughts, clothes) except better! We are left behind suddenly as the other group takes our place in the spotlight. The title song takes place after we have realized what our egos have done to us...
"Look at us, look at them"

This is just a few of the examples of the stage productions we cam up with. I think another one might have involved my hair (and only my hair) on stage doing a soliloquay. I'm not sure where the rest of me would be, except for my brain which should be in jar just off stage (to help the hair of course).
I was always one of the first people to fall asleep or lay catatonic on the floor after a heavy night of partying. This would be the time when my friends would take over my hair, and spread it out on the floor and wrap their fingers in it. It would be really funny because I would be half asleep, half awake and muttering things from my dream state. Nothing would make sense (not that much does when I'm awake) I'd say, "it's time to take the monkey for a walk" and my friends would crack up laughing. Then I'd wake up from the laughing and ask what was so funny, then I'd fall back to sleep.
I don't think I'm up for many more of those trips, my mission now and forever is to have our musicals on Broadway. We won't settle for anything less!

(all content copyrighted of course like a horse)

Awww, it's a new post... isn't it cute.

Now that I am 28, the days just fly by. It's been a solid month of parties and guests and summer love!
My mom visited after we had a friend come to visit. (hey M. how's it going? You deserve an award for best guest ever... we miss you!)
The mother visiting is a big deal for me. She had never been to Montreal before and it was strange to see her in my surroundings. Even weirder to have her in our home. I can't explain why, it's just weird for me. I guess part of it could be the changes that she has gone through. She looks so different, younger and more in style. Her current 'boyfriend' is only a year older than me (aaaaagggghhhhhh, she has sex?!).
She is so different. It almost feels like she's not my mom.
Or it did feel like that until she came here. Then I saw she was still the same, old mom.
She expected me to wait on her hand and foot as usual. She never paid for anything, she left towels on the floor and dishes in the sink. Just like she used to do, at our old home.
I was so annoyed by that. Maybe it's petty of me, but I never said I was above petty. In fact, I'm below it. Waaaayyy below it.
And instead of listening to me or having an interest in our life, she only talked about herself. This is a new development for her. She used to listen to me. That's what made our relationship possible. But, I guess she has to be self-centered. She is sort of on her own.
Yet, she is still our Mom and I know my brother is having a problem living with her. She expects him to call when he is out and be home at a certain hour (he's 18), but she doesn't follow those rules. He's always worried when she doesn't come home until 4am. I'd worry too, except I moved far away.
At one point during her visit, I actually felt disgusted with myself for having come out of this woman. How could I have stood being inside her for nine months? Surely I must have been premature?!
No, not me. I stuck it out, getting as much nutrients as I could. In a way, that's how our relationship has always been. Me forcing her to perform her motherly duties and her not noticing a thing.

When me and my mom were friends (hey that'd be a good song title) I was in a different place. I was still in the 'child' world. Things are murkier there. It's harder to make out all of the things that are presented to you; all you can do is believe what you are told. It was like never being tall enough, mentally. I couldn't see above the clouds of lies/hypocrisy. Now that I am a part of the ickiness that is the 'adult' world, I can see all of the excuses.
All of her excuses.
I have finally realized that I am angry at my mom.
Maybe that isn't the happiest news, but it's a beginning.
I can move forward with this.
I can admit a few things.
I can let go... which I think is what my dreams have been telling me to do all along.